Saying goodbye to a family pet is never easy. Breaking the news to your child can be the most difficult part. How do you explain the permanence of death to someone who has yet to learn how to tell time? Is there any way to bring comfort when your child misses their friend?
About a year ago, we adopted Spike the bearded dragon. He was the first reptile that our family owned and my son loved having Spike in his room. The primeval look of Spike’s scaly skin, long claws, and bloodthirsty lust for crickets made him an unusual pet. Spike was creepy to look at, but fun to hold. Spike did weird things like farting in the bathtub and shoveling worms in his mouth. Spike was completely different than having a pet dog and was perfect fodder for a little boy’s imagination.
Spike was 14 when we got him, which I am told makes him a senior citizen in bearded dragon years. The previous owner was a vegetarian, which made Spike a vegetarian by default. I still remember the dance of joy that lizard did when we dropped a few crickets into his terrarium. I’ve never seen a lizard run so fast. We spoiled him rotten, to the point of hand feeding him the last two months after he lost his eyesight.
We were fortunate to have a long goodbye with Spike as his health slowly declined. It gave us a chance to have short talks with our son about getting old, declining health, and to introduce the concept of death. As a five-year-old, my son seems to think death means going to another place (e.g. now Spike can play with our dog we lost a few years ago). We intentionally did not compare death to sleeping. I’ve read too many “how to be a parent” guides that say this will just make your child afraid to go to bed.
More importantly, I just wanted to be honest with my son. I didn’t need to give him the ghastly details of what Spike looked like when we found him. But I didn’t want to sugarcoat things by saying Spike was living in the clouds. It will be years before he fully understands death. I wanted him to understand that losing someone we love is a sad, but normal part of life. I wanted him to remember the good times we had with Spike. And I wanted him to know his parents were here for him if he needed someone to wipe away the tears or to talk about how much he misses his friend.
I still remember the sadness I felt as a child when my dog, Patches, died. When our dog, Toby, passed a couple years ago, I was broken up for a few weeks. Losing a pet is never easy, whether you are thirty-five or five. I’m glad that we were able to tell my son about Spike in an honest, but heartfelt way. We will miss Spike and are thankful for the time we got to spend with our strange reptile friend.